I agree with Marshall for some part of his argument. He claims that “Without a large proportion of poverty there could be no riches" but I think not large proportion to be needed for being rich. If large proportion of poverty exist, it shows us there could not exist many riches. In this situation shows us your society is poor and no development is available for them. Of course poor people should exist to do some hard works but if this position increase your civilization's live will be in danger. Because of not being many people to do some works which are needed intellegence.
Besides, I don't agree the statement that Marshall emphasizes like: "Poverty is most necessary and indispensable ingredient in society". I think most required think is education to deal with everything. You can also pull ahead poverty, disease and equalities with education.
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I accept that my paragraph is not so academic. My topic sentence is a conditional "If large proportion of poverty exist, it shows us there could not exist many riches". I think it gave the main idea. "Large proportion of poverty" is the topic, "There could not exist many riches" is controlling idea. However, my topic sentence is not too specific and it is clear.
Why do you say your paragraph is not very academic?
I am a bit confused as to the logic of your topic sentence and how it introduces the rest of the paragraph. Do you think poverty is necessary or not? There is no clear answer.
There are quite a few sentences that do not follow on logically from one another. This section in particular is very difficult to decipher: "Of course poor people should exist to do some hard works but if this position increase your civilization's live will be in danger. Because of not being many people to do some works which are needed intellegence."
You change points starting with "besides" and the remainder of your paragraph goes off topic.
You could improve this paragraph by following the structure we looked at in class.
I agree with your comments Sonja. I couldn't decide poverty's necessity and that made it my paragraph a bit complex. I am sorry about that. I will do a better job next time.
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