Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Is Poverty Necessary ?
Poverty is not good for nations and people. Poverty is embarrassing for today's world and it gives way to crime and other things. Income inequality between people seems inequity. However unfortunately poverty is necessary. Income equality is impossible to equal. When all people have same income, some people will be rich again, because some people will know how to use money correctly and some people will use their money rakish. Therefore income inequality level increasing again and again. For Marshall's text which we did criticism in class together and i said same things, if everybody has same income, many people want to do their favorite jobs as they wish so it gives way to economic slowdown and of course it is a bad issue for economy. In summary, eveybody want to beat poverty and live better and same standards. But it can not be in the real world. When a baby come into the world, s/he see firstly signboard of '' Welcome to the jungle''. So everybody must fight to survive in the ''Modern'' World.
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4 comments:
Melih's post's topic sentence is the frist one,"poverty is not good for nation and people".But this idea is changing after.First he said not but then he said that poverty is necessary.I guess this paragraph is coherence.Maybe he wanted to be that this paragraph would be interesting or maybe he wanted to show us some examples for his opposit idea.And also it is a beginning of the paragraph.But sentences are clear,the ideas are too.However I do not understand one thing and I want to ask that what does he want to say about "jungle"?Moreover,his supporting sentences and conclusion sentence are good.Also the conclusion sentence is very clear and is very easy to find it.I think this paragraph can be a good example.
My topic sentence is ''Poverty is not good for nations and people. Poverty is embarrassing for today's world and it gives way to crime and other things.'' and tugce said ''I do not understand one thing and I want to ask that what does he want to say about "jungle"?'' jungle is a term and welcome to the jungle refer to welcome to the real world. Of course jungle is not forest in this writing.
If that is indeed your topic sentence, how does it answer the assignment question? The explanation "Income inequality is impossible to equal" is very unclear and seems like a tautology. What do you mean when you say "some people will know how to use their money correctly?" That is also not clearly supported and is overgeneralised. The only sentence that seems to be relevant to the assignment is "if everybody has same income, many people want to do their favorite jobs as they wish so it gives way to economic slowdown and of course it is a bad issue for economy." This is a useful idea although it needs to be developed more. The last part of the paragraph which refers to the "jungle" is definitely not academic and furthermore is irrelevant to the assignment. Focus next time on a clear structure for your paragraph and plan your writing carefully.
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