Sunday, November 4, 2007
Is poverty necessary?
According to Patrick Colquhoun, ''Without a large proportion of poverty, there could be no riches, since riches are the offspring of labour, while labour can result only from a state of poverty. Poverty therefore is a most necessay and indispensable ingredient in society, without which nations and communities could not exist in a state of civilization'' If povety means ''to need help from other people and can't afford the first needs in order to survive'' Think of it there is no poverty in a country and every person can have their first needs. This doesn't mean that everybody earns same money and everybody is equal. There is no limit in being rich. For that reason, in this country there is a social class and you can find people which work in the different positions because they don't have the same power. The other idea is mentioned in article that state of poverty can motivate people in order to reach the rich. I disagree with this idea because when you aren't poor but you don't earn much money, in this situation you also want to be rich and you work hard in order to reach this target. If we look at the rich countries and people, they always want to earn much money and have more power. Having better conditions according to the other people also motivate people to reach the best conditions but we know that there is no limit. So, people always want to be better. This continuous properly and never ends. Consquently, poverty is not necessary and people should have their first needs.
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3 comments:
He started with a quotation.It's good for supporting the paragraph.I think,his post's topic sentence is "think of it there is no poverty in a country and every person can have their first needs".
We can understand what about he wrote,from it.The sentences are clear and they answers the question of this homework.There are supporting sentences and a conclusion sentence that is in the end.The grammar is true.The post's is coherence.I think this is a good example for a good paragraph.
"Think of it there is no poverty in a country and every person can have their first needs." is my topic sentence because the rest of the paragraph is related to this idea. I think it is not too general or too specific. If we read the whole paragraph, it can be understood that this sentence clearly states the main idea.
If that is indeed your topic sentence, it is not very clear to me. First of all, it is a grammatically incomplete sentence and secondly, it is quite vague. You should have paraphrased Colquhoun's quote instead of quoting it, as such as lengthy introduction to the paragraph distracts the reader. The supporting evidence for your topic sentence is logically weak and needs to be more explicit.
You change points starting with "The other idea..." This would require a new paragraph. What's your evidence for the statement "If we look at the rich countries and people, they always want to earn much money and have more power"?
Cutting down considerably on the length of the paragraph would help you to construct a more logical and clearer argument. You have obviously read and understood the text, and these text references are the strong point of your response.
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