We should fight against technology to protect out privacy rights because not having privacy rights means not having freedom. Technology is improving exponentially regardless of violation of our privacy rights. We should never compromise our privacy y ergo our freedom. A lot of phone companies use the system called GPRS. Although it is not used, the system allows full navigation. Yes, this means that if we have satellite compatible phone we can find our way home when we are lost in the narrow streets of Taksim but it also means out parents can find out that we have been out with our friends instead of going to school. Nobody will have privacy, everybody will find out about everything. This will cause a chaos of human relations and society will collapse. Advanced technology should still be used but that should be built in a way that they are sensitive to privacy. For example; the phones should have options to switch them off or on but only government authorities should be able to track us. This will be very safe if we get kidnapped on the streets and the police are trying to find us. “The information technology revolution that transformed our economy has also given us the tools, infrastructure, and commercial capabilities to make domestic defense easier, less expensive, and more effective...”* In conclusion, there has to be a middle way. Inventors should be sensitive about these issues and have alternatives.
The Key-Topic Sentences
Supporting Sentences
Concluding Sentences
*http://www.ppionline.org/ppi_ci.cfm?knlgAreaID=124&subsecID=307&contentID=250070
2 comments:
First of all, I must thank you for developing this assignment. Your choice of links is varied and interesting and you have presented the assignment very nicely.
I have highlighted a few language mistakes in red. Most of them are very simple grammar or typing mistakes. Please comment on my comment if you need help finding your mistakes.
Your topic sentence is crystal clear and is further supported by the subsequent two sentences.
The example of being lost in Taksim nicely supports your point about GPRS systems.
However, you leap from that example into a pretty big generalization, then your language becomes a bit exaggerated: "chaos" and so on. You could perhaps prove these points in a longer essay, but the logic seems stretched here.
You resume control of your paragraph with a sensible recommendation and end the paragraph by finding a middle way, and this works nicely.
Your quote is well-chosen although rather de-contextualised. It should be introduced or framed in some way instead of standing alone.
All in all, this is a very skilfully written paragraph on a timely issue and serves as an excellent model for our class.
One more critical thinking question: Aren't you worried about GOVERNMENTS being able to track us...? That would seem to me to be the biggest worry, especially in increasingly closed states, such as - wait for it - the USA. You might like to read Naomi Wolf's "The End of America" - mighty scary stuff!!!
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