I thınk poverty is not necessary . It is related with capitalist system which is problem and is not useful for people. It is about inequalities between the countries and people. On the other hand, it damages the relationshıp between the people. One side a big capitality is formed with its wealties, on the other side a week power is formed with its poverty. It is not acceptable situation for humanty and human rights. I am resist this motion because, in this system as you see now there is a big inequalty in the world. Everyday thousands people die of starvation in Africa.But in our country or Europe or United Stated... it doesn't take notice, every people live comfortablely and don't think the others which is in poverty. The other example for unnecessity of poverty is The French Revolution. As you know it become through poverty.
While there is a lots of bad example about poverty how we can say it is unnecessary? How we can say capitalist system is useful ? I can answer these: NEVER!
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5 comments:
1.I understand everything in this paragraph.
2.I think this paragraph is not interesting.Because, there is no main idea and he couldn't support his ideas properly.
3.He gave two examples. First one is "Everyday thousands people die of starvation in Africa." and he thinks that rich people don't care about the poor ones. The second one is, The French Revolution. And he says that it became through with poverty.
I don't think there is anything irrelevant and off topic about this paragraph. There is a concluding sentence and the signal is "while". The best feature about this paragraph is the fact that a lot of examples are given and the ideas are well explained.
Why don't you include a controlling idea in your topic sentence? Why isn't poverty necessary? I'm afraid I don't understand your supporting sentences very well at all, partly because of language problems and partly because they are not adequately supported with evidence and do not follow logically from one another. An example of a very unclear sentence: "One side is a big capitality is formed with its wealties, on the other side a week power is formed with its poverty." This needs serious revision.
You write like you speak, but writing requires a lot of structure. It seems to me this was done in a hurry, and I recommend spending more time drafting your response before publishing it.
When I read my writing again I noticed that I have no topic sentence and contolling idea. I thınk it should be corrected and it need some revision. I am aware of this but it grew out of my English and grammer mistakes.But on the other hand, I belive that my examples is very strong and useful for subject. Also I noticed that my concluding sentence was written like I was speaking. I understood my mistakes and decide not to make these again
That's great Ferhat, I hope these comments help you with the next blog assignment.
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