Sunday, November 4, 2007
Is Poverty Necessary
I think, Marshall pointed to important issue and I agree with him about "Without a large proportion of poverty there could be no riches". In equal standards there in no need to earn more and more money.Because all people have same statues and their all rights are protected without exception.However, richness and poverty always have occured. That's why, there is always a person who wants to be on the top of the society. The rich don't want to be taken advantages of richness so they always work and try to keep control of his fortune. At the same time, the poor expect to have better statues to be more poverful.Therefore, they are ambitious to get better standards. For example, some of students who live in east of Turkey and can't take a course because of poverty, may pass the OSS exam by studying oneself. They hope to go to a universty, to get a good job and to have better conditions. these' mean there is always a person who wants to keep his richness and a person who wants to be rich so poverty is necessary to be rich.However,If there was equality, people wouldn't need to be rich. I hope, equality system will be made real with laws or humanism.
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4 comments:
This paragraph isn't too general and too specific because it is written about "capital system continiues because of people's ambitions." paragraph is clear but there is only one supporting idea and it was written at the end of paragraph(...there is always a person who wants to keep his richness and a person who wants to be rich...) and other sentences before supporting sentence bolster up supporting sentence.Concluding sentence was linking supporting idea. It is okay but after that a week hope is written and this caused week final.
In this paragraph, if we combine the second and third sentence, then it will be a good topic sentence. Furthermore, I think the paragraph is interesting; because there are examples and explanations. Most of the sentences are supporting the main idea . As I see there is not a concluding sentence. The best point of this paragraph is examples given in details
I am not clear after reading this if you think poverty is necessary or not. You seem to agree in your first sentence, but then you go on to talk about equality, which completely changes the focus of your paragraph. There are several sentences that are very difficult to understand because of language problems, this one in particular: "these' mean there is always a person who wants to keep his richness and a person who wants to be rich so poverty is necessary to be rich." I cannot understand the logic of that.
Cutting down considerably on the length of the paragraph would help you to improve the structure.
she could not explain whay she supports..she slick to others too much..she talked about unnesseary tihngs and ideas..and also she keeped clear of the actual thing that what she support..
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