Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Is poverty necessary_?
I think it is not necessary. The world is big enough. If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone. But in our world it's imposible. There are some big countries such us the USA and France. They take world resources more than they need so some countries had to live a poverty life. If they hadn't done that, world would has been a better place to live. Because poor people have to work in a very heavly job. And some of them may be kill a rich person to take him or her money. That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty.
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9 comments:
I can understand things which he say. But there isn't example in his writing. Also,his concluding sentence is "that is not the equality and there is no need to poverty".
Topic sentence is "If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone". There are lots of supporting sentences. I liked the examples. Concluding sentence is "That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty."
i like it. it is simple and understandable. your topic, supporters and conclusion are good enough
Topic sentence is 'If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone. ' and concluding sentence is 'That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty.'So, both of them are clear to understand but I think there can be more supporting sentences and examples to persuade readers to your ideas.
Topic sentence is 'If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone. ' and concluding sentence is 'That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty. In my opinion the topic sentence is clear but there can be more supporting sentences and examples but this paragraph is simple and understandable.
Despite the simple opinion, paragraph explains the world order very much ( At least I think so because of my enmity to France) . Also he gave examples and facts I think. In addition, writer keep his attention on the subject.
the topic sentence:"If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone". there are a lot of supporting sentences. reader can understand examples. the concluding sentence:"That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty."
my topizc sentence is If all people live together whit equality, it will be a better place for everyone. And my the concluding sentence:"That is not the equality and there is no need to poverty." And olso there are some supporting sentences , too. I think my paragraph is good enough. my sentences are very clear and understandable.
A topic sentence must be crystal clear: "I think it is not necessary." The reader asks: WHAT is not necessary? Where is the reason? What's the relevance of the second sentence? Your third sentence is also irrelevant and too clichéd. Why do you choose the USA and France to blame for world poverty? What's your evidence? I can't understand the remainder of the paragraph. Your examples are vague and unsupported.
I recommend spending more time preparing your answer before posting it. Paragraph writing cannot be done in a hurry.
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