Monday, November 5, 2007
is poverty necessary?
Saying poverty is necessary, i think is rightless.Because nobody wants to poor. In the world, there are rich people and poor people.But it doesn't mean that the poverty is necessary.Riches earn their money from poor people who are working for them but it isn't allow that they press that poor people.Of course,it doesn't mean the riches are rightless.If they work asriches as, they can also earn a lot of money.But, in the world,there are social classes and social classes don't allow these things.If you born as a poor, it means you always poor, if you born as a rich , you always rich on the world.
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4 comments:
She supported the main idea and explained with an example. It is at the begining of the paragraph. However there is not concluding sentence
This post's topic sentence is "saying poverty is necessary,I think is rightless.".I think this is a bit short,it has not detail and not enough example or supporting ideas.Maybe it is coherence but not exactly.The most important thing is that there is not an effective conclusion.Also I think it is very specific.It has specific ideas so it causes that this is not a good example for a paragraph.
My topic sentence is saying povrty is necessary i think is rightless becausevno body wnts to be poor.
Your first two sentences need rewriting: "I do not think it is right to say poverty is necessary because nobody wants to be poor." The word "rightless" does not exist. Since rich is an adjective, you cannot say "riches" for people - it should be "rich people." I'm afraid your sentences are quite difficult to read and understand, and this seems to be due to various language problems and unclear logic, especially in the last sentence. Plenty of people in the world have worked their way up from poverty, and conversely, many people have lost their wealth. Closer reference to the Marshall text could have helped you to develop your ideas further.
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