Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Is poverty necessary?
If we accept the whole aprroachs about the poverty , we fall in a caos. Because it has many different aspects. First of these, United Nations Committee on Social, Economic and Cultural Rights' side defines the poverty like this, "poverty may be defined as a human condition characterized by sustained or chronic deprivation of the resources, capabilities, choices, security and power necessary for the enjoyment of an adequate standard of living and other civil, cultural, economic, political and social rights" . Thus poverty is the negative part of life and it is unnecessary. On the other hand, second aprroach is imperialism or capitalism because in these two system established on poverty and affluence. It based on opposite sides balance. According to this approach, if affluence is necessary, poverty is necessary too. Because, wealthy people must sell their products to poor ones, it is a balance policy of capitalism.
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4 comments:
In this paragraph there is a comparison and so the first sentence may be the topic sentence. There are examples in the paragraph and this makes it interesting. Quotation supports the topic sentence. In my opinion there is not a concluding sentence related to topic ;but supporting ideas are enough and there is no necessity to write a concluding sentenc
i could write in a good plan i know.
Your first sentence is very difficult to understand: first of all, what is "the whole (approach) about poverty"? This is very vague. The phrase "we fall into (chaos) is overdramatic and does not belong in academic writing. The sentence beginning with "because" is incomplete. Why do you then take up 9 lines defining poverty? The reader probably already knows what this word means, and you haven't provided any startling new information. Your topic sentence follows this but it is buried unnecessarily in the middle of the paragraph. Then, instead of proving why poverty is unnecessary, you make a contrast to a "second approach" - the reader doesn't even know what the first approach is! Up to this point you have given absolutely no evidence to support your topic sentence. Looking at your final sentence, don't wealthy people buy products too? Your argument is disjointed and often confusing and your paragraph does not follow a logical order.
ı think this paragraph is quite clear because there are too spesific steatment if he cut some ideas ,it will be very good academic paragraph.
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