Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Is poverty necessary?
I know it sounds like a cruel idea but, ı think that poverty is necessary. This situation provides the progress of societies because as Colquhoun said, the poverty encourage people endeavouring for anything.We do not expect to live everybody in same living conditions.Of course, some people can earn much more money than others ,perhaps due to the better education , working hard or different career chocies.Nobody change this inequality in society easily. People have different position in society according to their education. At this point , government must provide equality in education to all segment of society .If education equality is provided in society, we can accept poverty because some people don't want to use this chance effectively.Moreover, all societies need people who are in different occupation group. If ıt is paid attention to maintain balance in between poor people and rich ones, poverty does not constitute big problems in society.
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4 comments:
Topic sentence is "poverty is necessary, this situation provides the progress of societies". But she didn't write this sentence like topic sentence. She supported this main idea quite good. She write facts and she write her ideas clearly.
ı think,the only problem in my writing is related with topic sentences.My main idea is poverty provides the progress of societies but ı forgot to express it in this way.Except this, ı think ı have supported my main idea in good and effective way and also my writing ends a concluding sentence.
Topic sentence is starting from 'poverty is necessary.' and it continues with 'This situation provides the progress of societies', I think.It's a little bit specific and they should be setted as one sentence. In the body part, there are many supporting ideas. Concluding sentence is the last one but there is no signal for conclusion part.
You have a basic argument here and you've also tried to incorporate the reading text. But I think you've tried to merge two paragraphs into one. The first paragraph is about the segmentation of society into classes; the second one is about the necessity of education. Because these are not separated, the reader faces some difficulty in working out your argument. Your concluding sentence needs more work; you actually introduce a new idea there and then leave the reader with no support or explanation. How can poverty not cause problems in society?
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