Friday, November 9, 2007
Poverty is certainly necessary
I think poverty is necessary in order to provide world's economic balance. If we think about a country that everybody is rich ı think it is good but nobady would want to work so in my opinion that country can not develop. All of the people can live very comfortable but it is not possible in this world.Therefore we can conclude that poverty is necessary because the economics and money system is only based upon wealthy and poverty. Poverty is the negative part of life but unfortunately it is necessary
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7 comments:
the topic sentence is "poverty is necessary because the economics and money system is only based upon wealthy and poverty." His ideas are cleAR and he uses complete sentences.Concluding ideas are strong. Using instances and making the reader dream about it makes it a good example.
I think that this blog entry is understandable. I mean that the topic sentence is clear and it leads the readers to the point of the paragraph. Moreover the topic sentence is not too general and specific and it contains the main ideas of the overall paragraph. Throughout the paragraph, supporting ideas are placed into paragraph in order to support the topic sentence. However one deficiecy is that he could give more examples on the topic and he could use some statistics or quotations to support his ideas. The paragraph has a concluding sentence and it is poverty is the negative part of life but unfortunately it is necessary. I think that this conclusion is really to the point.
The topic sentence is the first sentence of the paragraph and it is quite clear and in the right form. Furthermore, the following sentences support the topic sentence but are a bit in need of enhancement with examples. On the other hand, the connection between the sentences in the way of dealing with the main idea is appropriate.
the topic sentence of this paragraph is first sentence,because the other sentences are supporting the first sentence.the topic sentence is clear and not too specific and the concluding sentence is strong.
i think this blog entry is good. we can understand the main idea clearly and thats enough so there is no problem about the topic sentence,supporting ideas and conclusion
my topic sentence is,''poverty is necessary because the economics and money system is only based upon wealthy and poverty''.I think that this blog entry is understandable.The topic sentence is clear and not too specific and the concluding sentence is strong.Therefore, we can conclude that this paragraph is so clear and it is interesting.
Your topic sentence is the first one and it's quite solid. You then follow this with examples, but unfortunately your examples are often vague and/or logically weak and let the writing down. Why would a country where everyone is rich "be good"? How can you prove that "nobody would want to work"? Why is it impossible for everyone to live comfortably in the world? Many studies have repeatedly shown that the world contains enough resources for every person to have a decent standard of living. What evidence do you have that "the economics and money system is only based on wealth(y) and poverty?" Isn't that just the capitalist system? You need to be more specific in your references and use clearer language. Do not rely on easy arguments, as they are easy for an educated reader to attack. You do conclude the paragraph appropriately and seem to be aware of good paragraph structure.
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