Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Today poverty still have kept to fast increase to height.it is struggle that have to with to survive,to eat,to get dressed,to be health and get education.well,what is main of reason of the poverty?There are two universal reason in around world.if a county have insufficient capacity of output or if there is gap between wealthy people and poor people in distribution of income, that country will have problem which can't been solved easily by available goverment for example innercity where are increase commit cirime or problem of healthy .Besides infact there are specific reason about poverty.ı mean that if people don't have to give importance to social conscious this sitution won't overtake.I think people have to help and support financialy each other.
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5 comments:
I think that this paragraph begins with an interesting intro, such as interesting hook and then keeps going with a question that might be utilizes to take attention. Therefore I found it affective. Throughout the poverty the writer talks about the reasons of the poverty and he clearly states the supporting ideas. However, it is not what is asking us to write about. I mean that the issue that we have to write is if poverty is necessary or not. Thus, the writer actually forms good paragraph but this paragraph is nothing to do with the exact topic of what we should be writing about.
I assure that this is a good paragraph. There is topic sentence and also there are supporting ideas. However it is not what we are expected to write. This paragraph is obviously out of exact topic.
I think this paragraph starts in a good way but somehow it has missing points. Paragraph has a topic sentence but there are no controlling ideas. There are not enough examples for support, too.
ı claim that this structure don't include strong conclusion sentence.if that was available there that will be better than old sitution.Thus,paragraph will reach to ownaim
I think your paragraph has much more serious problems than just a weak concluding sentence. I don't understand the first two sentences at all and you need to check the language carefully. Then you go on to define the reasons for the existence of poverty. This has nothing to do with the assignment question, so I'm not sure why you focus on this. You must follow the instructions carefully and stay on topic throughout the paragraph.
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