Thursday, November 1, 2007
Is poverty necessary?
Povety is absolutely necessary. If there is no poor people in the world, there is no rich people. If there is no poor people, that people don't want to work in heavy work because they don't need money so there is no forester, worker, farmer, baker, etc. If there is no forester, no worker, no farmer, who do the food, house,... another thing is that: In the World there is no equalty, there is justice. If people work, people earn thats justice.
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6 comments:
the topic sentence= 'f there is no poor people in the world, there is no rich people.'
This topic sentence is complete and correct for this paragraph.But it could be more detailed about the paragraph.
The first and second sentences can be determined as topic sentence. (They seemed me associated with each other.) Although the topic sentence is complete, it is too general. Therefore, the reader can not decide what idea, point or issue the writer is going to focus on throughout the paragraph. In my opinion, it should be more specific and include a certain reason in order to make the topic sentence stronger. Moreover, it could be supported with detailed a explanation and several examples.
the topic sentence of his writing is " ıf there is no poor people in the world,there is no rich people."
ı think the topic sentence is not sufficent to obtain main idea which the writer will explain in the rest of writing. Additionaly,he could support his opinion by giving more details in effective way.
topic sent: if there is no poor people in the world, there is no rich people.
i think it would be more specific and examples are not enough.
the topic sentence:"if there is no poor people in the world, there is no rich people." may be ı could give more details. İf ı gave more specific example, it would be good.
I agree with your classmates' comments, especially what Deniz said about not being able to focus in on a specific point. You need more evidence to support your claim that poor and rich people are interdependent. You change points beginning with "another thing is that"; remember that a paragraph deals with one topic sentence and one controlling idea.
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